Nerves & Nepal

Last weekend I started freaking out about Nepal. I usually don't get nervous before travel but this trip is so different than every one before it. For starters I've never been on a five day trek. Normally I wouldn't be that nervous about it because it is something you can physically and mentally prepare for.  Something I was doing at a pretty good clip before my rib injury. Now there are thoughts of, will my rib hold out, is it really healed, and if something happens to it during the hike will I be able to continue? This variable is not something I have experienced before, I've never left for a trip thinking my health and fitness might not be 100%. It will be a learning experience no doubt, but for now I am calming my nerves by pre-packing. Pre-packing is recommended by just about every traveler I know, including myself, but in practice it is something I rarely do. Occasionally I will lay a few things out to see if I really want to bring them (staring at them for a week can usually sway me one way or another), but a full pre-pack almost never happens. This is for one very specific reason, I procrastinate packing. It is not totally out of the norm to see me packing for a trip to say New Zealand the night before.

Even if I have been reading, researching and doing all manner of preparation for a trip, it never feels real until I am about to leave or actually on the plane. I think this adds to my procrastination of packing. It is also entirely possible that it is a family trait. I am a very organized person so this specific procrastination point is of particular amusement to my friends and family. At this point, with the amount of day, overnight, week long, multi week, and multi month trips I have done, packing is slightly more unconscious than it should be. It just gets done and I am usually happy with the result. However, this trip is different for a whole host of reasons. One, so much hiking gear, two, more meds than I usually bring, more survival items, a sleeping bag (something I have never traveled with before), well I guess those aren't reasons, they are just different things I have to bring that I never usually do. Basically the gear is very different from my "normal" backpacking type trip.In classic traveler form, my to-do list keeps expanding every time I look at it. With my trip a mere week and a half away, I need to get to it and get it all done so I can enjoy.

Here's a little list of all the things I am nervous about for this trip.(I must be feeling pretty open and honest right now.)

-Snakes (ongoing phobia)
-Rib Injury
-Enough Gear
-My first night hotel. I took a trip advisor shot in the dark.
-The water. I got sick in both Egypt and Bolivia even though I was super careful. Being sick in the middle of a trek in the Himalayas is not something I want to experience.
-Sleeping bag rating. Is it really as warm as they say? I'm going to test it out before I leave.
-That everything will be ok with the group I am meeting. Groups are always an unknown. 

Now that I've written them out, only a few are really serious. Nerves are interesting because they don't always equal fear. Nerves to me are more like a very heightened awareness of interest in something that could grow into a fear if I don't examine the nitty gritty of why it is showing up. Is there a real original source? Am I being  unreasonable? Is it really something that I want to focus on and spend energy on to work through or will it dissipate as time goes on and I educate myself? 

Off to pack some more.